Elvin Safety...

There s a Lurcher in our family, Arthur, a big dog with the most amazing sense of smell.

There's a Lurcher in our family, Arthur, a big dog with the most amazing sense of smell. He can smell something interesting at 500 paces. He really loves interesting things.

I would say elves are interesting, wouldn't you? Jolly little chaps, all dressed in green like Robin Hood's men. Dance a lot. I haven't met any, you understand, but I've read all about them. If there were any elves on the Imperial Recreation Ground, my Arthur would have sussed them out. Maybe even brought me one as a present but, don't worry, he has a lovely soft mouth.

The team of Elvin Safety Inspectors who seem so concerned about the security of elves on the Rec' that they aren't there any more. If I were asked, I'd say they most probably flew away on kites to a place deeper in the country where they can leap and play without odd bods with clip-boards bothering them with silly questions.

But I wouldn't know for sure, because I've never actually met one.

Ivan Prior,

75 Egremont Road, Exmouth.