The loss of loved ones hits all of us sooner or later. In these troubled times statistics obscure the personal tragedy of every death, though some are highlighted by the media. Anger and denial are two early reactions, with grief, pain, guilt, and other feelings to follow.

Six deaths in a knife attack in Australia dominated the news for a day; many deaths in Gaza were only a footnote while Russian and Ukraine's losses were not mentioned that day. But every death is equally an awful tragedy to those around; family and friends mourn every individual.

Some children in Gaza have lost both parents and all close relatives. The death of Alexei Navalny shocked us all, but it was Yulia who mourned the loss of her husband. Many more Russian and Ukrainian women have been widowed by Putin's war. Every one of these is a personal tragedy, as are 32,000 killed in Gaza, another 30,000 in Sudan and God knows how many in wars elsewhere! Each and every death leaves family and friends in pain and mourning, whether an open outpouring of grief as with some people and cultures, or a stoic "stiff upper lip" from others. The actual pain is just as great.

More locally, mistakes can result in death and distress, nowhere more obviously than on the roads, though statistics show accidents in the home are an equal problem. Medical errors are concerning, but with complex skills and a huge number of staff it is naïve to assume there will never be any mistakes in the NHS. It is also unrealistic to think that errors are ignored by medical colleagues, though some failings are later found to have been covered up.

We lost our eldest son, daughter-in-law and first grandchild, in a horrific road accident in France thirty years ago. Telling this to acquaintances triggered some to open up. Many more people around us have suffered agonising loss than we might expect. A US retired couple I never met, but phoned on business, were bringing up their granddaughter after her mother had died. "What happened to her father", I asked. "He is in prison serving life for her mother's murder" was the shock reply. I have met more than one similar situation in Exmouth! Losing a child is thought to be the worst kind of loss, and there are a surprising number of instances around us in East Devon.

We none of us know what trauma other people may carry under a cloak of normality. A grim expression or grumpy personality may be the symptom of a cheerful person coping privately with a deeper trouble, perhaps lonely because of it.

A sense of loss can come from a cancer diagnosis, relationship breakdown or losing a job. Princess Kate, whom we hope gets better quickly, is a reminder. Post Office staff caught up in the Horizon scandal have also suffered loss, are angry and awaiting the culprits to face trial. This highlights the dominance of lawyers in a formal inquiry, whereas medical errors depend on competent health professionals to prevent recurrence.

The death of a loved one tests faith. People without any belief often imagine their loved one continuing in another life, which brings discussion around faith full circle! Every loss is a unique painful tragedy.

"I know how you feel" is nonsense. Nobody else knows how anyone feels after the death of a loved one.